Not Just Another Stupid Love Spell: Remix
by weregrrl
Summary: Draco Malfoy hates Harry Potter, and he has every right to according to him! But when he comes up with the perfect plan to stir the proverbial cauldron - slip Hermione a little love potion to see how Harry reacts - Draco starts to realise that there is perhaps more to Miss Mudblood than he had previously deduced. Revamped version of "Not Just Another Love Spell" by RoboticUrges.
1. Love Potion No9

**_A/N:_**** I'm posting this, in part to make up for NOT posting much involving Hogwarts: A Mystery (forgive me, my ADSL is still waiting to be installed, and my plumbing isn't exactly helping, either), but also in part to work on a promise I made to myself, and another reader. This story, retaining it's original title, was dreamed up way back when by the forever lovely RoboticUrges (who is me). However, as I was unable to complete this tale (because I wrote like a douche back then, and haven't been able to look at it since), I've decided to finish it right here and now. I have greatly remodeled the first three chapters, and plan on finishing with the same 5-chapter limit in mind. I have also left the original story completely intact on my old account (where I wrote like a douche). I believe I can reach completion of this commitment now (even if parts are still written like the douche I have been). **

**So please, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride that is_ Not Just Another Stupid Love Spell_... And hopefully I no longer write like a douche, as I am no longer_ thirteen. _**

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**_Chapter One: Love Potion no. 9_**

_This had better work,_ thought the boy to himself,_ or I'm getting a refund._

He was sitting a few tables away from her, but her body never left his sight. He had already decided. He was getting her one way or another. And after careful deliberation, '_another_' seemed the best possible path to take.

It had been mere weeks ago that he had come up with this scheme, and only a day since the order had arrived. Not that this was the difficult part. No, the hardest part was to slip _it_ into her food without arousing suspicion. Thank the gods those stupid house elves believed everything you said as if it were the word of Merlin. Otherwise, he'd still be stuck hiding a completely useless love potion in his book bag until an opportunity presented itself - and the likelihood of that ever happening was indeed low. How often had anyone actually managed to drug Granger? So, feeling quite smug about his plan's success thus far, Draco Malfoy sat full of glee and self-worth, watching for the moment Hermione Granger took her first sip of pumpkin juice and consequently fell head-over-heels in love with him.

It wasn't that he liked the girl; absolutely not. He couldn't even stand being in the same room with that snotty-nosed muggle brat, but obtaining her affections held a certain amount of appeal for him. Not only would he have another way to get on that damned Potter's nerves - and Potter's nerves were always a very good thing to get on, in Draco's fine opinion – but he would be able to humiliate the little _bitch_ and her would-be beau as well while he was at it. Wasn't life just _positively wonderful_? For the first time in a long time, Draco smirked. Right now, he had the upper hand…

Distracted as he was, Draco didn't at first notice his target spring from the Gryffindor table and bounce off towards the nearest set of stairs. Actually, he had no idea she _bounced, _and was quite shocked by the knowledge when he did finally come to his senses. He had thought he would be dealing with a human being, not a bloody ferret. Then again, he had seen the way those Weasley potions affected people; vomiting, bloating, sprouting pustules and turning green – all were common side effects (or even the main effect) of the devious twins' concoctions. Perhaps, Draco thought as he swaggered off to Potions, that childish antics, such as skipping, were a very tame and preferable option to any of _that _balderdash.

* * *

Draco was fairly sure the potion was working properly when Hermione had – very discretely – asked to have a word with him after potions. She was all pink in the face and trembling, looking for all the world exactly as a mudblood should in his presence; and, he admitted to himself, it stirred up an odd sensation which made his heart beat that bit faster in his chest. Being a Malfoy, he assumed it was the legendary 'power rush' that he had heard so much about, and put it away for later. His main interest now was in humiliating Potter, not gloating. Still, Draco found himself conflicted at learning to be proud over something that made him feel so _weak_. He wished to hold no interest other than to finish what he had started, and get that _Potter_ trembling on his knees before him, yet he felt…conflicted…

_No_.

No, that was absurd. All he desired was to see that green-eyed _freak_ helpless as he watched his enemy caress dear little Hermione's cheek; as he snatched her away from him and that Weasley; as he led her into a realm of turmoil and sweat that, at the mere thought of it, would make her shake in trepidation…

Ok, Draco had to admit the idea of undressing the resident bookworm made him more than a little bit aroused, but he shook it off, thinking it was only natural – his enemy's best friend sure would be a fun toy to play with, and all toys had their _breaking limits_. He smirked.

_It was time to play._

Slouching outside the Potions' class 'cell', the boy waited for his prey to catch up, his cool gaze scathing the already frigid atmosphere that surrounded him. She took longer than he had hoped, muddling around with the potions ingredients, and even shattering a jar of bezoars on the damp and unrelenting floor of the dungeon before waddling out into his presence. Of course, the girl did have her reasons. It wouldn't exactly be a dream-come-true for Draco if everyone saw them conversing amicably, either. _At least not yet_. Draco snickered. She was probably embarrassed to talk to him with her little friends around. The thought even brought a sneer to the youth's face. Granger had a sense of shame? _How cute_. That wouldn't last much longer.

Finally, his quarry was upon him. She looked down when she spoke, and her eyes darted around nervously from underneath her lowered lashes, but Draco listened to her quiet words intently.

"U-um, Malf- Dra-co," the words came out muddled, butchered by shyness, "W-would you, well, this is awfully sudden and – but I think I should say it and…um…um, what was I saying…?"

The blond forced away the urge to roll his eyes at her babbling. Oh, the love potion had worked, all right. It had worked well. Still, it wouldn't be helpful if there was no confession of mutual feelings, and Granger was still prattling under her breath in that unseemly, wordy way of hers…

"So, yes…will you…would you- I kind of…" the girl stopped and blinked, "Did I already mention the part about how your hair is pretty- handsome, ugh, beautiful?"

Draco resisted another urge – this time it was the one to smack himself in the face.

_Relax, Draco_, he thought,_ No need to give yourself a crooked nose over such a trivial matter… _

But the witch was still rambling. About tea cosies.

"Granger!" he hiss-shouted, "Spit it out!"

This appeared to have the desired effect, as the next words out of the girl's mouth was a startled, "I like you!"

Draco grinned. He still had it. Whatever being nasty to get your way _was, _exactly.

To his utter non-delight, the Granger creature continued speaking.

"I-I mean, I _like_ you," she said, eyes and voice betraying her wonderment, "b-but not just as a friend. Although I believe such relationships should retain a certain amount of friendship to continue to function properly – and I'm sure you feel the same wa-"

Draco smiled as Hermione's voice rose in pitch and sped up before silencing her with a forefinger to her delicate lips.

"I believe I know exactly what you are trying to say. I'd be honoured to go on a date with you. Perhaps to Hogsmeade this coming weekend?" He replied with his best 'come-hither' eyes – something which Draco secretly prided himself on, and which Blaise secretly laughed about behind his back.

His heart skipped a nervous beat as he awaited her reply, although thanks to _Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes_ love potion he had no need to fear. For the first time in his life Draco Malfoy was _thankful_ to a Weasley. He made a mental note not to kill the troublesome brothers on sight, should he ever face them in battle. A good two seconds headstart should be enough time for them to come to terms with impending death. Perhaps three, if he was feeling particularly generous.

"Uh, sure," Hermione gushed, "That'd be g-gr-eat. Bye bye!" And with a smile that Draco decided could probably light the Great Hall better than any candles, she skipped off to lunch, and out of his sight.

As her footsteps receded up into the light, Draco felt his muscles relaxing, and sighed. His plan was definitely succeeding, but what strange urge was possibly possessing him to feel this way? It was almost as if… Surely he couldn't feel _bad_ about toying with a mudblood's _feelings_?

No, that was another impossibility in his day of the improbable. It was most likely just a stomach ache caused by not eating breakfast _again_ – Granger's fault, of course. He had spent all morning watching her, like a hungry barn owl at night, to ensure the potion came into contact with her mouth _specifically_. The memory caused the young Malfoy to rub his brow, and frown.

_Bloody mudbloods…  
_  
It was a good thing, he decided, that his family supported the Dark Lord. Otherwise, he'd have been tempted to defect from this experience alone. Let it not be said that there ever was a Malfoy who could operate on an empty stomach.

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**A/N: Draco cannot operate on an empty stomach, I cannot operate on no sleep, and this story isn't edited! I believe dear Gir would sum this particular moment up in "Whhhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeee!"**

**Alas, goodnight, and goodwill to all (and here's to me not being an author-tastic doucheball...I hope).**


	2. Busted

**_A/N:_ I think I actually made this chapter worse (well, more demented), if that's possible, but I had FUN doing it! :D**

**Enjoy!**

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"Are you alright?" the voice broke through Draco's muddled mental state.

"What?" he snapped, eyes darting around the cobbled street. People were _staring_ at him. Why were they staring? He was a Malfoy – he could do what he bloody well chose to. And he had chosen to grant Hermi-_Granger_ the gift of his presence. He _hadn't_ chosen to let her wrap her arm through his, and he certainly hadn't told her that she could glance at his beautiful self every other second, but that was beside the point. She was a means to an end, and the more smitten she appeared...well, all the better for him! Although he secretly thought her grip was rather tight. Carrying all those books around for years had obviously turned the Mudblood into an extremely strong woman...

_Perhaps this wasn't the best idea,_ Draco thought momentarily, before remembering that he was pretty much all-powerful, and did not give a rat's arse how tightly his arm was being held onto (even if it was about to drop off from lack of circulation), because he had finally bested Potter! That, and he had a lot of money at his disposal. If the need came for it, he could have the wench grappling his arm put in the psychiatric ward at Saint Mungo's. It was where all Mudbloods belonged, really.

"Or perhaps, Azkaban," he mumbled, subconsciously, still caught up in his own thoughts. Really, thinking was important. It often took him a long time to complete a thought, but it was still impor-

"Draco? I asked if you were alright? You look a bit distracted?"

The blonde was brought back to the present by the sudden jerking of his body back and forth. He soon realised that the Mudblood was shaking him.

_Merli- Smile, Draco_, he reminded himself, _You are a fantastic beast._

"Pardon?" he grinned cheesily, "I was just taking in the sights. Don't you just love Hogsmeade?"

_This place is a dump..._

His date squealed so suddenly that he was almost forced to jump back in shock.

"Yes!" she confessed happily, "I especially love Madam Puddifoot's!"

_Oh, dear Hecate. No! I refuse to go to some girly-_

"Can we...can we go there, please?" Hermione cooed, looking up through her eyelashes at him.

_No wonder she can't get a date. She's bloody insane._

But, just to be safe, he nodded in acceptance of the idea, careful not to fall into the witch's dreadfully innocent eyes. There was something deeply unsettling about how..._eye-ish_ they were.

"Um, yeah…" he replied, "Is that all?"

Hermione nodded delicately and smiled, "Yes!"

At the small motion Draco felt a mild tingling in his brain, but was brought back quickly, this time by McGonagall's harsh voice announcing that they had arrived in the town square, and were free to do as they pleased.

_As long as they stayed in groups._

_And within gawking distance of a professor._

_And out of the seedy new porn shop down the lane – honestly, what was the wizarding world coming to?_

Draco had to stifle a giggle at his own little joke...because, the wizarding world was 'coming'? Get it?

"Anyone not complying will _immediately_ be sent back to the castle," his favourite bitch-in-tartan all but snarled, eyeing a group of nervous-looking third years. Draco was left wondering, not for the first time, how someone could be so unreasonably vindictive…and how much she needed to get laid.

Turning back to Hermione, who was also being gawked at, he smiled, "Let's go."

She simply nodded and looked down, too afraid, or embarrassed to look him in the eyes. Her grasp lapsed momentarily, and Draco took the chance to rescue his arm from the ogre-grip it was in. Instead, he _graciously_ took her hand and led her through the crowds towards the Ominous-Pink-Building-of-Doomed-Manhood that was Madam Puddifoot's. Sighing heavily, the blond steeled himself, with only one thought in mind. Soon, revenge would be his…

* * *

The walk to Madam Puddifoot's lasted far too long for Hermione, who was busy being jostled by the crowd, and concentrating on looking everywhere but Draco's face. She wasn't sure she was completely comfortable with the amount of weird stares they were getting but she wasn't about to complain. They had every reason to stare – to her knowledge there hadn't been a Pureblooded-Nazi/Muggleborn relationship for over forty years, and never one that had ended well (getting Avada'd by your beau was the drug of choice, here). Not to mention, Malfoy and her were supposedly bitter rivals, so she decided not to mention it. Besides, she had a feeling that even if she tried speaking her voice would desert her. All she could do was grip her date's hand until they reached the puke-worthy little building. And after what seemed like an age, they were finally in the door.

As they were offered a table, Hermione's heart began throbbing wildly to some rhythm she couldn't distinguish, only made worse by Draco's offer to help her into her seat. She blushed terribly, causing Draco to chuckle at her discomfort. This caused her to blush more deeply, feeling a fever spread through her body. She found herself quite attracted to that chuckle. It was far warmer than any she had heard from him thus far and the fact that it was directed at her made her unreasonably happy.

_Get a grip on yourself Hermione_, she thought to herself, _You're here to teach this guy a lesson_.

Oh, yeah. She knew that little prick had spiked her pumpkin juice at mealtime, but he obviously didn't know how to read. The love potion lasted a maximum of twenty-four hours, and that was if you _really_ liked the guy. Of course, being the bright witch that she was, Hermione had recognised the sweet odour of pure evil coiling out of her pumpkin juice, and had avoided the hell out of it. Tracing the substance back to Malfoy was pretty easy. All she had to do was ask Dobby about who had been in the kitchens right before mealtime. It had almost made her late for class, but she had managed to get her answer. And now, she was going to be the clingiest, most stuck-up witch ever to land in Hogwarts – Pansy excluded.

_Sometimes, being the twins' unwilling labrat really pays off... _

Snapping back to reality, she realised Draco was now asking her something.

"-want to drink?"

"Huh?"

"I said, 'What would you like to drink?'"

He smiled gently after asking this.

_Sneaky bastard..._

"Well," Hermione said, "how about tea? Or hot chocolate?"

"Hot chocolate it is."

Draco then rose from his seat, and meandered over to the cafe's counter. This gave Hermione time to examine their surroundings – and Draco's arse._ Nice arse it was, too_.

_Hermione!_ The girl thought, shocked at herself. She quickly refocused her attention back on the cafe.

Madam Puddifoot's was, as always, crowded. Being the most popular – and only – 'lovers' hotspot' in town helped with that. Still they had somehow managed to find a comfortable spot at the back to be alone, even though it looked as though half the wizarding population was bent on carving holes into the pair's skin with their eyes.

"Geez. You'd think they'd get over it," Hermione muttered darkly, "Gits."

"What?"

_Oh, shit..._

Hermione turned to see Draco beside her, holding out a steaming cup of hot chocolate. The pair went rigid for a moment, looking into each others eyes, until they noticed what they were doing and quickly looked away.

"W-well, here's your drink, then," Draco stuttered, clearing his throat, "You wanted it with sugar, yes?"

She nodded and took the cup, as he made his way around the cluttered table, looking slightly uneasy, and, not for the first time that day, wondering what the hell she was doing.

After a full ten minutes the pair were still sitting in silence, sipping their drinks, and being stared at. Hermione thought it felt oddly comfortable, and yet it really shouldn't have. Partially because this was _Draco Fucking Malfoy_, but mainly due to her sudden obsession with his eyes. They were grey – like storm clouds – and they were watching her. In fact, she didn't think either one of them had so much as blinked in the past eight or so minutes. It really should have been disconcerting.

Actually, she was starting to get really horny, if she was perfectly blunt – and really, she didn't want to be. She was debating whether or not to just leave; call off the scam, when Draco smiled.

It was barely a small quirk of the lips, but it was enough. Before truly knowing what she was doing, she was suddenly entwined in his arms, the rest of the world gone as her lips embraced his and their saliva mingled into one. It seemed for one moment as if nothing could possibly come between them, like they were one entity, and shared one soul.

_He spiked my drink again, didn't he?_ She managed to think through the power of her raging hormones. However, neither of the students made to break away from the other.

That was, until the clearing of an unimpressed throat tore them apart. For a moment Hermione was worried it was a professor, or worse, one of the boys, but as it turned out, it was a disgruntled Ginny staring them both down.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you," she spat, eyeing Draco with enough malice to send most begging, "but just what exactly are you doing Hermione?"

It was now Hermione's turn face her wrath. She had to admit – that girl could have quite the temper when she wanted, and she looked as if she wanted to have it now.

"Well," she started, "I was kind of in the middle of something, actually."

"Yes I can tell that!" Ginny's voice was thick with venom, her eyes ablaze, "Thank you very much, but I can tell you were _busy_," she said the word with sarcasm, "but just what in _bloody_ Merlin's name do you think you're doing?!"

Hermione continued, "I was just saying I – "

"NO STUPID EXCUSES!" Hermione was thoroughly taken aback, and Ginny kept yelling, "I GO OUT FOR SOME LUNCH, AND I FIND YOU HERE WITH THIS GIT," she stared pointedly at Malfoy, "EATING EACH OTHERS' FACES!"

By this point in time the whole cafe had stopped to watch the little flame haired girl on her rampage. Embarrassed, Hermione tried once more to calm her down.

"Look, Ginny, I'll explain if you just promise not to yell anymore. I don't want the whole world knowing!"

"I WILL NOT CALM DOWN! DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU'VE PUT ME OFF MY FOOD! I WAS _HUNGRY_!"

As an afterthought, she added, "AND DO YOU REALLY THINK THAT YOUR FRIENDS WON'T FIND OUT ABOUT THIS?! BECAUSE I HAVE AND DON'T EXPECT ME TO KEEP THIS A SECRET FROM HARRY OR RON! I'LL MAKE SURE THEY-"

"So tell them."

The voice came from around the table, from the long-forgotten cause of the argument. Both girls were shocked into silence. Neither of them had suspected this. Finally, after much swallowing, Hermione questioned in a small voice, "Draco?"

He looked straight at her, "You heard me – let them know. They're bound to find out sooner or later, and the earlier they know, the easier it will be later on."

Both Ginny and Hermione were silent. They looked at each other. Ginny was the first to break the quiet, her anger evidently evaporated, "I hate to admit it but he does have a point. If they don't find out from you now, they'll hear about it from someone else soon…"

"Only because you yelled it out all over town!" Hermione countered. She had not planned for this situation. She _did not like_ this situation.

Ginny blushed a pale shade of scarlet, "Sorry, but," she added, "you weren't exactly being discrete about it."

Hermione had to admit, she was right. Somehow snogging in the middle of a crowded room just didn't make it into her 'discrete' category.

"What are we going to do?" she wondered aloud, not really paying attention to anything anymore.

"Well, I suppose first of all we should hurry back to the school. It's past curfew in a few minutes."

Hermione looked questioningly at Ginny, "But what if one of the boys sees us?"

Ginny rolled her eyes, "First, you should have though about that earlier."

_I wasn't drugged up earlier..._

"And second, they have Quidditch practice today. They wouldn't dare leave before it's over."

The older witch raised an eyebrow, "Then why are you here?"

Ginny shrugged, "I have no such compulsion."

"Ah."

_Makes sense._

But one crucial clue was still missing. Furrowing her brow, Hermione asked, "By the way, what are you doing _here_? In Madam Puddifoot's?"

"Oh, me?" Ginny asked, pointing to herself, "They make really great lemon meringue pie. Shit décor, though. But great meringue. You should try it."

"Hmm...that sounds nice," Hermione agreed.

Draco stayed silent throughout this entire conversation, wrapped up in gleeful thoughts of how close he was to victory, and how much he wanted to smash his face back up against the brunette witch's mouth, just to hear her panting again (even if she did have crazy arm strength). It was a rather disconcerting predicament.

_Great kisser; possibly butch?_

As the trio headed towards the castle, he fought the strangest compulsion to shake his head in confusion. It really didn't matter, as long as he kept her dosed up, and in love with him.

* * *

**A/N: Well, how was it? Good? Bad? On a drug trip? I apologise for any possible mistakes, or reference to The Three Broomsticks - it was the meeting place in the original text, and I had to change a lot to fit in Puddifoot's, instead.**

**Anyway, have a beautiful day.**

**Love,**

**Lucy~!**


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